Monday, February 28, 2005

i was at target today and my mom asked me what new cd she should buy, so i made her get john legend. and so the chain continues.

they have never, in my time, sold 40s in florida. but i have just now come to realize that they do not sell vitamin water either. not a single bottle at a single convenience store. my mom says she thinks they sell it by the case at cosco. but fuck, i dont want a whole case, i just wanna sip or two late at night. i think 50 needs to be informed of this. i dont imagine that he'll be too pleased.

we were supposed to go on a gambling ship today, but the weather was so ass that the ship got canceled for today. its a shame, cause ive been feigning to play some blackjack.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

i cannot find my usb cord. fiddle sticks.

it has been overcast and/or raining the whole time ive been here, which actually hasnt been that long, so i cant really complain. ill take the rain in 70 degree heat over blizzarding snow in 25 degree weather anyday. well, almost anyday. i am one big greaseball. my dad asked me if i could tell a difference in the air when i come down here, and i said no, i can tell a difference in my hair. frizz city to the nth degree.

i have eaten out for every meal since i touched down, aka no one has cooked a single meal in honor of me or my return. if something isnt cooked reallll soon, im just gonna have to be like "yo guys, whats the deal here?"

moms and i went shopping today. i bought five new pairs of shoes. FIVE. its real serious. im not even sure what im gonna do with all these, or why i even bought them. but you know when you make the decision to go shopping, like you know, G-O S-H-O-P-P-I-N-G, and you get all manic with your purchases? and you buy everything you fucking see that you may some day in the near, or more likely distant, future have something that may remotely match whatever it is youre buying? because its at a real good price and you kinda like it, and hopefully youll like it even more when you get it home? until like three hours later when youre in banana republic trying on some pants and you realize that youre totally exhausted and just say, "fuck this, im going to the food court"? thats what todays shopping experience was like, kids.

that mario "let me love you" joint is still hot. i dont think ill ever get sick of hearing that one. that trick daddy/black sabbath song is still banging. i actually expected to be hearing that more on the radio this time around. theres some song where the dude is whisper rapping. sounds like it might be petey pablo? definitely sounds like some gay shit hed do. im not really into having my raps whispered to me there, fella, nice try though.

katy left me a message today saying that she has a scab on her knee and she doesnt know where it came from and that if i were there, i would be able to tell her, so where the fuck am i? well, to answer your message, katy... i am in florida. the scab in question may have come from last sunday when you totally busted your ass on the walk back to my place. you may fallen on the stairs at DD last night. you may have been giving head to a dj and not have positioned yourself properly. im really not too sure. but i can pretty much gaurantee that you did not fall into the cellar of a bodega. thats my move.

i will never, for the life of me, be able to remember how to correctly spell "gar-un-tee."

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

it is 11 o'clock at night and i just got home from work.

kim is listening to sade and its me feel all sexy-like. oh dear magic eight ball (shake, shake), will this night with sexy results??? yes, it most definitely will.

hi

i still dont get why blogger is lagging for me.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

it was a katyie marathon this weekend. 72 hours + 2 katyies + unlimited amounts of free drinks= copious amounts of fun that even little baby jesus is envious of. and you know little baby jesus can turn water into wine, so that says a lot.

jens held us down for the very first portion of the weekend by supplying us with the tastiest of tasty vodka drinks. but then the bar showcased some cancer patient video that some girl made, so we had to say peace to that scene. i am the only cancer that katy gets down with.



we then proceeded to max fish. and then proceeded to not answer our phones as they were ringing and ringing and ringing. and then proceeded to feel hella guilty when the person that was calling us actually showed up at fish. ooooooooops!!! katy and i gave anyone and everyone the biz on themselves that night. im sure i was about five seconds away from being punched by this guy that was trying to chat up shauna. but what else is new? we made some plans for the next day and then proceeded to my house where the procession rightly ended with a few sips of a 22 and a nighty night pill.

we woke up in time to catch a 6:00 tea with the bartenders and bar backs of max fish at teany. so everyone hates on teany because its own by the uber weirdo moby. dont hate, you know hes banking some kinda serious. the tea selection there is phenomanal. the chai lattes are top notch. and the hot chocolate is even better. i ate a fake turkey sandwich with fake bacon and vegannaise. it actually wasnt too bad, but the veganaise kinda overpowered all of the other flavors. at least it tasted like real mayonnaise. we shot a few games of cee-loo on the cafe table and mosied over to max fish to watch the boys play some pool before heading off to our movie.

inside deep throat was our selection for the night. and although i fell asleep in it, it comes highly recommended from the katyies. the interviews are effin hilarious. ps: dont worry, i fall asleep in EVERY movie.

movie let out. grabbed a drink. headed to harlem. watched american psycho (which i fell asleep during). went to bed. slept on the couch. katy did homework. ate soul food at amy ruth's. started snowing. went to katys work. sat there. went to fish. was given 25 credits on the juke box. did not pay for one drink. or did we? went to black and white where a bartender from fish bartends on sundays. had a snow fight. did not pay for one drink. definitely not. smoked cigarettes and played more cee-lo. won a buttload of money and then lost it. to katy. bitch. got criticized for the way we play cee-lo by some snob next to us. ech, deal with it. when theres money involved, whos NOT serious? katy got wasted and we had to leave before she made an ass outta herself. her words, not mine. got in cab. got food. katy ate shit on the corner of stanton and norfolk. fucking hilarious.

and not one photo to show for any of this.
Once there was a giving tree who loved a little boy.
And everyday the boy would come to play
Swinging from the branches, sleeping in the shade
Laughing all the summer’s hours away.
And so they love,
Oh, the tree was happy.
Oh, the tree was glad.

But soon the boy grew older and one day he came and said,
"Can you give me some money, tree, to buy something I’ve found?"
"I have no money," said the tree, "Just apples, twigs and leaves."
"But you can take my apples, boy, and sell them in the town."
And so he did and
Oh, the tree was happy.
Oh, the tree was glad.

But soon again the boy came back and he said to the tree,
"I’m now a man and I must have a house that’s all my home."
"I can’t give you a house" the tree said, "The forest is my house."
"But you may cut my branches off and build yourself a home"
And so he did.
Oh, the tree was happy.
Oh, the tree was glad.

And time went by and the boy came back with sadness in his eyes.
"My life has turned so cold," he says, "and I need sunny days."
"I’ve nothing but my trunk," he says, "But you can cut it down
And build yourself a boat and sail away."
And so he did and
Oh, the tree was happy.
Oh, the tree was glad.

And after years the boy came back, both of them were old.
"I really cannot help you if you ask for another gift."
"I’m nothing but an old stump now. I’m sorry but I’ve nothing more to give"
"I do not need very much now, just a quiet place to rest,"
The boy, he whispered, with a weary smile.
"Well", said the tree, "An old stump is still good for that."
"Come, boy", the tree said, "Sit down, sit down and rest a while."
And so he did and
Oh, the tree was happy.
Oh, the tree was glad.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

i pulled the ILLEST, most COCK BLOCKING SAVE YOUR FRIENDS LIFE move EVER tonight.


i should have my own reality show.


shuana owes like a million batrillion dollars right now.


katy put a photo embargo on tonight, so there will be no imagrafic evidence on just what exactly occurred between then and now.


then meaning there and now meaning here.

Friday, February 18, 2005




with a hood like that, is it any wonder that i fell into a god damn bodega cellar?

fyi.

the lies that i would tell to protect you far surpass the lies that i would tell to protect myself. not that its ever come that. but in the event, id just like you to know...

Thursday, February 17, 2005



man, i am one cocky little bitch late at night. i guess self-imporatance is the new look for 2005?
oh holy christ motherboard.

quite honestly... if youre going to post a comment on my blog...

a.) dont say the "f" word= automatic deletion
and
b.) dont post anonymously so that your girlfriend cant backtrack and find out the shit youve been saying to me all along.

get over yourself.

as every night passes, i realize how more and more ive become an integral link in the chain of the LES. eh, too bad im leaving for The Dirty...

oh well. ehhhhhhhhhh.

sorry, had to edit this a tad bit. my spanish is really hit or miss, mostly miss, when ive had a few drinks.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

you want an usher song? ill give you an usher song...

Oh!
Oh no!
(Mmm you gonna want me back)
(The last words she said to me now I'm wishing she was still here wit me)
(You know your gonna need me)
And now that day's here, ya man gotta shed tears
(Mmm you gonna want me back)

You never miss a good thing till it leaves ya
Finally I realized that I need ya
I want ya back
Baby girl I need ya back
Gotta have ya back, babe
Heartbroken when you left my world
Man I wish I woulda kept my girl
I love you
I don't know what I'm gon do without my baby

It's driving me crazy
'Cause I'm missing my baby
I'm goin' out of my mind and I'm runnin' out of time
Oh I just wish I could find you, girl
Said I'm about to go crazy
'Cause I been needin' you lately
I'm goin' outta my head and all the things that I said
I wish that I never said them now

Aww baby
What you say now?
(You're gonna want me back)
And still I want you, want you, want you, want you, want you
Need ya babe

If I could rewind the time
And get inside ya mind
I would take back all my words
I didn't see it, I couldn't see what I was doin' babe
See baby girl I was blind
And I wish that I could try
To be the man that you deserve
Give me one chance to make it work

It's driving me crazy
'Cause I'm missing my baby
I'm goin' outta my mind and I'm runnin' outta time
Oh I wish I could find you girl
Said I'm about to go crazy
'Cause I been needin' you lately
I'm goin' outta my head and all the things that I said
I wish that I never said them now

(Mmm you gonna want me back)
Wish I could throw it back
I want it the way it use to be
(You're gonna need me)
(Mmm you're gonna want me back)
Give me chance to make it work!


[Jadakiss]
I'm trynna stay strong I don't wanna crack
But I need her and she told me I was gunna want her back
Shoulda believed her
Now I'm wishing I could throw me back
To that exact spot where we found L-O-V-E at
Lose some then I lose again, when I'm gunna win some?
I said alot of things out of anger, but I meant some
I brought a lot of things to the table, besdies income
I just want things to go back how they use to be
I was use to you, and I thought you was use to me
Time was against me
You never miss something 'till it's gone
That's my word ma, you convinced me
It might not happen, but I'm still hopin
And my heart is broken, but the door is still open
Pillow still soakin, your boy still loakin'
Dutch still lit, and a bottle still open
And if I don't get another chance
It might be hard to get focused

It's driving me crazy
'Cause I'm missing my baby
I'm goin' outta my mind and I'm runnin' outta time
Oh I wish I could find you girl
So I'm about to go crazy
'Cause I been needin' you lately

The love of my life, but I wasn't lovin you right, baby!

It's driving me crazy
'Cause I'm missing my baby
I'm goin' outta my mind and I'm runnin' outta time
Oh I wish I could find you girl
Said I'm about to go crazy
'Cause I been needin' you lately
I'm goin' outta my head and all the things that I said
I wish that I never said them now

(Mmm you're gonna want me back)
It's the last words she said to me
Now I'm wishing she was still here wit me
(You're gonna need me, need me one day)
And that day's here
(Mmm you're gonna want me back)
And ya man gotta shed tears
I'm sittin' by the phone
Realizing she ain't ever coming home...

Monday, February 14, 2005

i am waiting for blogger to stop being an asshole and to CORRECTLY post what i have previously written. and why is everything italicized now?

Sunday, February 13, 2005



that is one of my goodestest friends ever. his name is james and he lives in philly and i have known him for four years now and he came into town last night and we got drunk. but not like a fighty, screamy drunk like usual. more like a dancey, giggly drunk.



he is the only guy that i would let i take up-skirt shots of me cause like its james. whenever im not doing too good, he always calls me and says, "come to philly. youll have a good time here. ill take care of you." and so i go to philly. and i have a good time. and he takes care of me. it took me 15 hours to drive to philly from gainesville. straight through. but i had a good time. and he took care of me. he made this offer to me a few weeks ago, but i have been unable to take him up on it, so he came here. i havent seen him in about a year. on my myspace page, he left a comment saying, "Bitch moves closer and we talk LESS?" weird how that happens, ill save the analysis for later. or never. last time i was in philly, i dyed is mohawk red. now some else is dying his hair for him and im not sure if i like that.

i had to sneak in liquor last night because the drinks at rothko suck and if a bar is gonna charge an ungodly amount of money for a cocktail, then their drinks should at least NOT suck. but they let us smoke, so i dont complain about the prices to their face. i woke up in my bed still fully dressed, complete with boots. what can i say, i really liked my outfit last night.

Saturday, February 12, 2005



these photos, that one right up there and the other one right down there, those photos are courtesy of last friday night, which was spent in greenpoint. and basically, those are the only photos that you will ever see from that night. not to say that those are the only photos in existence from that night, becaue i used the whole memory on camera and there were two other cameras floating around as well. after that night, i was so thoroughly disgusted with myself that it wasnt until last night that i could even bring myself to look at these photos. quite honestly, ive been disgusted with myself a lot lately. i dont like that. you wouldnt either, right?

so i asked myself, why do i continue to let this happen? i had fallen into the same trap that i had before. twice before. once in high school, and once in college. it really does take hitting rock bottom for me to really take notice. down to the wire. works best under pressure. the bottom kinda provides me with a brief moment of clarity when i can look up and see all my mistakes and realize, "oh, THATS where i went wrong." for as easily and as often as i break, i can mend without too much effort. break. fix. break. fix. break. fix. its what my life is. you learn to deal with it. the breaks become less severe and harder to complete. putting the pieces back together becomes less of a process and more of game.

i dont even know what i wrote in that last paragraph. my minds been drifting and i dont even care to reread what i just wrote. point being. i am done. if theres one thing that i reign supreme at, its being done. a few people have been cut out of my life. cocaine has definitely been cut out of my life. alcohol is just on hiatus for a bit. i have let my life become what i think other want it to be. and other people are fucking idiots. in essence, i have let them turn me into an idiot. great job, fellas, you had there for a minute. but... thats all stopping now. oh yeah, theres also one other thing im pretty good at. its walking away and not looking back. lo que se significa para ser, sea.

a thug changes, and love changes and best friends become strangers...

Friday, February 11, 2005

so its a scrap on that napa deal. i cannot get the time off work. we just signed a lease on a new office, and will be moving on the dates that katy had allotted for our travels. but now katy has decided to not to go either, so i feel like an asshole cause she was looking forward to it even more than i was. and i was looking forward to it a whole helluva lot. sorry, my little namesake. i promise that come this may, we will take cali by storm and leave many a broken hearts and empty vodka bottles in our wake.

i will be going home at the end of the month and the day cannot get here quick enough. i am a southern girl forever and ever...



even when its 8:00 am and im stuck in brooklyn.

there will be no more of those 8:00 am kinda nights. nuh uh. te prometo esto.

Sunday, February 06, 2005



i asked sean if i was a bad girlfriend
and he said no.
i asked sean if i was a bad drunk
and he said yes.
very.




addendum: so i have decided to give the world a teeny tiny break and put the sauce down for a bit. and maybe regain a teeny tiny bit of myself back. i havent consciously done this since 2000 when i went stone cold sober for over a year. but i think its time for a throwback.

Thursday, February 03, 2005



when you live in the LES, this is what your refridgerator will ultimately look like. yes, that is duct tape holding up the bottom shelf on the door. yes, that is a 16 oz can of hurricane sandwiched between two six packs of pabst (hey, it won the blue ribbon in the 19th century, dammit!!!). yes, that is week old chinese food. yes, that is a ten gallon jug of maple syrup. sustenance is no longer found in the four major food groups, but in whatever you can scrape enough change together to buy at the corner bodega. and bodegas were made for buying beer. you do the math.

i was contemplating posting a photo of my newly acquired ass bruises, but i didnt like how the shape of my ass looked, so now all you get is a photo of my fucking refridgerator. lucky you.

my boss and i keep playing this game where we talk about how sick we are all the time. its not that were really sick, because no one is sick for a whole damn month, but she and i refuse to give up this easily played hookie card.

8:30 am
*ring, ring*
i dont think i can come in today,
im not feeling so good this morning.
*cough, cough, sniffle, sniffle*
ill call you in a few hours
and let you know if i feel well enough to come in.


you get the idea. that scenario plays out about once a week now. she does it, i do it. who wouldnt?

katy and i are planning a trip to napa in march and i have not ever, nor will i probably ever again, been so excited to go to the west coast. we will drink wine, eat healthy and maybe even put a dent or two in her sisters car. we will be hell on wheels.