Friday, March 25, 2005

sos today, i had a bit of business to take care in the lower part of the west village. being that it was such a nice night out and the slurpee rain/snow had stopped, i decided to walk home from 6th and houston, a bit of a trek, if you know your manhattan geography.

i have been feeeeigning for some decent chicken parmesan, since ohhhhhh, i dont know, i had the shittiest chicken parmesan ever down in little italy. so i decided to stop by an ex-client of mine, Emilio's Ballato. so i walk in and say hello to emilio and tell him that im there to eat dinner because his food is the best in the city. emilio himself refers to it as "off the hook." normally, he sits me down at his table and we usually have pleasant conversation during my meal. tonight, he was seated with a strikingly handsome black fellow with the kind of characteristics that can only be made by having a white mother and he offered me a seat at another table. from across the room, we conversed about how each of our respective businesses have been going and he asked me why dont i get him some more press. i asked what celebs have been in lately and he replies, "im sitting with a celeb right now." now look, i dont know who the fuck this john is hes sitting with, and trust me, i now my celebs and my socialites. its my job, ya know? so i shrug it off and when this guy leaves the table, emilio comes over to me and says, "thats [famous persons] brother." i say, "oh ok," and continue with my meal. emilio says that when i finish eating, i should come over and talk to them.

by the time ive finished, another person has joined their party, so i just jump in on the conversation, interjecting little one liners here and there, but batting my eyelashes at the same time so that when i speak, they dont think "what a bitch," but instead think, "ahhhhhhhhh, how cute."

apparently [famous persons] brother owns a lounge around the corner and he invites me to come check it out tonight. the third man at the table turns out to be the door manager for the lounge. i say that i have a pretty full schedule, but that ill try to fit in a "drop by."

cut to three hours later, after having stood in front of my "closet" for an hour thinking about what i should wear and an hour long shower and actually taking the time to brush my hair and calling my bff a million times to make sure that she meets me there...

i walk up to the spot and theres a mad crowd outside. i walk up the door manager and say, "remember me?" and hes, "yeah, you look a LOT different now though" and kinda drools on himself because i look so fucking hot. [/ego] he escorts me inside and says hes going to seat with marcel. i look down at the table im sitting at theres a sign that says "reserved." apparently marcel is some big shot screenplay writer whose movie i have never seen, but has won several awards. i order a drink from the waitress and marcel puts it on his tab: +1. katy shows up and marcel orders a bottle of goose and lets us drink the majority of it. i later look at the menu and realize that this bottle costs $350: +2. time passes and i tell him that i dont really like goose and that id rather have a jameson straight up and a heineken. he gives me a surprised, but proud look and orders my drink for me, on his tab: +3. katy goes to the bathroom and he asks me if i travel. marcel then, very nicely, tells me that is going to the DR and the bahamas this weekend and will be back on tuesday, and he would love it if i accompanied him and that he would cover all of my expenses: +4. being that he was dead serious... +578.

considering that i would have had to probably fuck him the entire time: -3498.

he didnt outright say it, but im sure he was asking me to write out a check that my self respect couldnt cash.

[famous persons] brother finally shows up as were leaving, i get his number and promise to return some other time.

did i mention that i had visions of having his beautiful mulatto children since the second i met him?

spontaneous decisions and wonderful results. only in new york...

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