Monday, June 27, 2005




i always wondered how in the world could there be fat people in new york, what with all the walking that is needed to get from point A to point whatever. its not like the south where you either have a car and are mobile or do not have a car and are anchored to the homestead. but then this past winter was upon me and i began withdrawing into hibernation mode, eating more to insulate myself and keep me christmasy warm throughout the coldness. but once the temperature started rising, my winter eating habits remained the same. i would, and still do, eat to the point that i am about to vomit. i eat until i am physically uncomfortable for hours after a meal. since i really only gain weight in belly, i constantly look like im in the beginning stages of pregnancy. maybe thats why i continue to do it. yikes! but im not really going to delve into that too much right now. its not (or wasnt) really a conscious thing that i do, i just see food in front of me and get to it! and who am i to let food go to waste, right??? but now i am realizing that my metabolism just isnt the same as it was in my teenage years and my once svelte figure is quickly degenerating into a gigantic lard ass. since i am now thoroughly disgusted with how unhealthy ive become, i have decided to take baby steps to improve. which also comes outta poverty as well, because i am just too damn broke to be ordering delivery for every damn meal (as ive been doing for the last six months or so). im not telling you exactly what steps im going to take because i dont want someone stealing my idea and creating a new "trend" in dieting. diet biters. but i bet anytime is really going to miss me.

Thursday, June 23, 2005



so, i guess ive kinda wanted to address this for awhile. what.the.fuck. is up with these people on myspace? now, im really using "myspace" synonymously with "the internet," but myspace is more specific and an easily identified with example of what im talking about. these people that sit on myspace, hours at a time, just hunting through profiles. like, its more than just browsing, because everyone does that, but these people that log on with an agenda to find someone. those people that do search after search hoping some kinda word combination will pull up a person whose profile something vaguely similar listed. those people that sit there and send out private message after private message hoping that maybe, just maybe one of them will evoke a response from its recipient. as if said recipient doesnt get bombarded with these small-talk private messages all day, everyday, since day the internet was created. like get real and get a life already. its pathetic, really.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

RAVE or STFU III





you always talk shit about glowsticks until youre the one wearing them.


oh yeah, its gotten real serious.

Monday, June 20, 2005

dear world,

i would like to introduce you to orlando. orlando is very studious when it comes to buttferflies.



orlando is also probably one of the biggest reasons that i made it through college without putting a bullet through my skull. i have known him longer than i have known anyone else in new york, and wouldnt you know it, he and i have only hung out once since i moved here a year and a half ago. so i decided to our hang out count to "2" this weekend and i told him to meet me at the bronx zoo or else.



so i trek it all the way to the bx and im waiting outside the entrance of the zoo when i call orlando to ask him his status. he has just gotten on his metro north train and he estimated it would take him about an hour and a half to get there. not to worry, i called up my friend rob who told me that he lived near the animal park. but apparently, he lives on the other side of the park. and, yo, its a big park so he told me take a cab to such and such a corner and wed meet up. after 45 minutes of driving around in circles, i finally tell the cabbie to just let me out. the very minute that i finally make it to robs front stoop, orlando calls me to tell me hes two minutes away from the zoo, a whole 45 minutes earlier than expected. so i said hi and bye to rob and his wife and then hopped in another cab back to the zoo.



the first thing i did before heading to the butterfly conservatory was, of course, buy a beer. i have a feeling that orlando doesnt have too many friends in his life that are all like RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! so whenever im around, i like to try to get him out of his shell and to live a little. i think i may succeeded, if even just for a few minutes.





since we got there so late, i told orlando that we should hit all of the housed exhibits first, because they would lock those up, and then we could just walk around and look at the animals that are allowed to just roam around in their captive freedom. totally not true. they must lock the animals up at night because there was neither a lion nor gazelle to be seen. however, in the reptile house, we found an amusing little poem by seven year old parick weber:



then we traveled back to the city and watched fine-as-hell angelina jolie in mr. & mrs. smith. we had a beer then parted ways.



and then the sun went down...

Friday, June 17, 2005



i spent three hours post-work shopping. i bought some new sunglasses to replace the nice ass moschino ones that i lost while raving in springfield. and, no, i was not weating them at the rave like an e-tard, but i think i lost them in the parking lot as i was emptying out my purse in the car so the nazi security had less to rummage through. i also bought a lot of other stuff that i will probably return in a week and a half when i am dead broke and cannot make it another three days until i get my next check.

i am pleasantly intoxicated and refuse to leave my house tonight because i BIG PLANS tomorrow and i will not let new yorks devilish nightlife take away from my innocent, wholesome daylight experiences that i plan on ruining on my very own. sorry, nyc, you aint got nothing on me!

the lightswitch in our bathroom is burned out, so i couldnt take a shower even if i wanted to go out. i dont know how i am supposed to brush the sparks off of my teeth when i cant even see my teeth.

Thursday, June 16, 2005


i went out to brooklyn straight from work yesterday. about two sparks, three stellas and a vodka & red bull later, i decided that i was not going to even attempt to make it home. i mean, there was a houseful of friends and i keep a toothbrush there, so why would i even need to leave. so i got to sleep in an actual bed in an air conditioned room and it was luxurious. then this morning, i washed my underwear in the sink, stole a shirt from karisa and badabing badaboom, good as new!

Monday, June 13, 2005



so i went a whole weekend without getting drunk and, wow, was that boring or what. at least i got all caught up on the first season of americas next top model. a must see if i must say.

i need a vacay inna bad way.

so although reports say that michael jackson is flat broke, he has managed to easily pay off 12 jurors (and probably a judge and a few lawyers). money has definitely exchanged and im sure we'll have to relive another michael jackson scandal all over again. oh boy! seeing as how there is no tv in my office, i had to call scotty and have him the phone up to the tv. i of course then put my phone on speaker so the other girl in the office could hear the goings-on. oh technology! oh communication! how i love thee!

a visit to the yacht club is definitely in order.

Sunday, June 12, 2005



a hot summer new york day, fourteen friends and a mission for bbq. from the flatiron district to chelsea to times square. all done with (surprisingly) minimal bitching and maximum sweating. after ending up at virgils and eating everything on the damn menu, i came home and passed out in a food coma and woke up with a splitting headache. so tonight, i am saying fuck the heat, fuck the crowds and fuck... um... you(???) yeah, YOU!!! okokokokokokokokok. maybe not you.

the highlight of my weekend is quite easily finding out that there is now an anytime in the east village. i will never leave my house again.

say hello the hare krishna parade:



i dont really believe in all that vegetarian, people-with-elephant-noses shit, but those krishnas use of color is always outstanding.

Friday, June 10, 2005

RAVE or STFU!!!
(Part II)

my friend ema has a fake leg. it is shiny and glorious and sometimes, if i bat my eyelashes, show a little cleavage and ask real nicely, she lets me gnaw on it.



everyone was in full fucking party mode last and it was fantastic. i dont really have too many stories to tell because, quite honestly, i dont really remember much of the night. all i know is that there was a lot sparks bathroom chugging going on. it is the new cocaine, after all.

dsl walked up to me and said hello and my little heart fluttered like i was 19 again. fuck, i still remember the very first time i ever saw him. sigh. but i digress.

i got into a argument with some asshole outside of the bar that said the scene was dead. why i even chose to fight this battle is beyond me, seeing as how i have been removed from dnb for about three years now. and then he said that i "must have just gotten into the scene." whatever you say teenager, whatever you say. then the convo got a little heated and katy interrupted and dave slyly pulled me away and convinced me to go get another sparks. thanks, dave! :)

i think andrews retelling of last night pretty much sums everything up nicely...


Andrew:
Me: Katie... why don't you come with me for a minute?

You: Andrew... I'm fine, okay? I'm a lot better than I seem to be... you don't need to worry about me... especially since these guys are gay, and I'm not gay, and I've got a blade, so I'm the last person you need to worry about right now.

me:
AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!


i have *no* recollection of that whatsoever.


Andrew:
Hahaha... yeah, we were in the back room, and Dave & Ema were going back onto the main floor, and Dave turns to me and is like, "yo, make sure katie gets out of here when you get out of here" Cuz there were like, five dudes nobody knew and they were eyeing you up. And you just said that shit way out loud. It was fuckin' awesome.



i woke up still drunk as hell, barely able to open my eyes. i convinced myself that i was not going to throw up and forced myself out the door. as i was walking to work, this gray-haired man walks passed me from behind and says to me, "you could make an ad for those jeans."

i thought to myself, maybe today wont be so bad after all.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

what do hipsters do when they have too much time on their hands???



why, they stich together over 150 Mr. T doll kits and then nail them to a wall, of course!!! or rather, nail them to every wall in sight. add some cheap, free beer and its a fucking art opening, dude!!!



im going to the potd show tonight. so hardcore right now.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005



crack shack slumber parties are so hot for summer 2005.

Monday, June 06, 2005

I've seen your face a thousand times
Have all your stories memorized
I've kissed your lips a million ways
But I still love to have you around

I've held you too many times to count
I think I know you inside out
And we're together most days
But I still love to have you around

And you're the one I want and it's not just a phase
And you're the one I trust, our love is the real thing

Don't go away
My love (my love)
I want you to stay
In my life
Don't go away
My lover (my love)
I'm happiest when we spend time

You're a salty water, ocean wave
You knock me down, you kiss my face
I know the storms will always come
But I still love to have you around

And Heaven knows what will come next
So emotional, you're so complex
A rollercoaster, built to crash
But I still love to have you around

You're the one I want and it's not just a phase
You're the one I trust, our love is the real thing

Don't go away
My love (my love)
I want you to stay
In my life
Don't go away
My lover (my love)
I'm happiest when we spend time (it's only you and I)

It's you there when I close my eyes
And you in the morning
I never thought you'd still be mine
Oh I'd really need to have you around

Don't go away
My love (my love)
I want you to stay
In my life
Don't go away
My lover (my love)
I need you, you're my love supply

Don't go away
My love (you're my love supply)
I want you to stay
In my life (every day, every night)
Don't go away
My lover (you're my love supply)
I need you, you're my love supply

Sunday, June 05, 2005

i have no idea whats going on this world anymore.

all i know is that i was walking home from getting pizza, post bar of course, and i see some guy being ripped out of a town car and slammed against the wall while his girl is being pushed across the street as some white chick is telling her to calm down. then like 8 million bazillion cop cars come swarming in and im trying to get info out of the drunk old spanish man outside of the cuban joint. i have to speak to him in broken spanish and he is drunk. this makes for not such good understanding. if you could actually decipher that last sentence, then you see what i mean. im sure it was all about drugs.

la calle loca.

ps: FUCK DRUGS!

Saturday, June 04, 2005



it all really began yesterday. at i-dont-even-remember-what-time last night, we decided that the whole world sucked and fuck everyone else, we were going home. as we are coming to this conclusion, shuana meekly asks, "but how am i getting home." she was none too happy with the reply that we were putting her inna cab. i asked her if she needed help getting home and she kinda leaned back against the wall with her eyes closed and slowly nodded yes. so it was to be, i was spending the night in harlem. shuana soon fell asleep in the taxi and i called katy to let her know our status. she said that was waiting for andrew to get there because saturday is moving day and he was going to help her. we reached our destination uptown and she and i chatted until andrew arrived and then we retired to her bed. kat(y)ies make really good bedfellows, if you didnt know.

so we wake up and apparently some time during the night, we acquired one more couch-crasher/ helping-mover. katy and i then bussed it up to 125th to pick up a U-Haul. we called the boys from the ride and told them that we would be back soon. when we returned, they were struggling with getting the couch down the stairwell, a couch that was manufactured by the devil himself.



they pushed and pulled and rotated and twisted. the fucking thing just wouldnt work them in the slightest. i explained to them that they needed to turn the couch around and make what was top the bottom, and vice versa. this isnt necessarily such an easy maneuver since there are fire sprinklers on every level of the stairwell. after having knocked off the wire protective covering from the first landing, i kinda knew it was bound to happen. they finally reached the last landing and after a bit of shuffling around, it did happen. they knocked the head off of the sprinkler and i heard it before i saw it, black water started gushing down the stairs. i quickly grabbed katys and my purses off of the ground and bolted outside. once realizing that no one knew who to get them to turn off, we decided i should call the fire department.



clearly, accidentially setting off the sprinkler system warrants a motorcade of fire trucks to surround the building and its encompassing streets.



the water would seriously just not stop. andrew was filling up trash canfuls of water and dumping it out in the street. odi was trying his best to sweep it out door. the firemen just kinda laughed at us all. it was a fantastic sight.



even once the water was finally turned off, the sprinkler still kinda dribbled a little, but the cleaning up process had to begin.



shuana and i took full photo-opp advantage of the situation and hopped in the fire truck and played around for a bit.





after the last fire truck left and the chaos subsided, the boys hung their clothes out to dry...



and i stuck my head out of the fire escape and watched over the neighborhood to make sure everyone stayed safe and sound.



and somehow during all of this, i managed to get sunburned. its all in a days work, really.

Thursday, June 02, 2005



this is tomas and he is FOB-still has a thick accent-irish.

he is one of the hottest people i have ever met.

and i am going to marry him.

because then, i can have dual citizenship.

and pretty babies.