Wednesday, May 18, 2011

I Do Not Want Tyler the Creator as My Son

what seems like four score and seven years ago (it was really just about one year ago), an ex-boyfriend of mine posted the above video to his Facebook page, with the accompanying comment: "the future of rap."

now, even though i still think this ex is a worthless piece of shit who deserves to spend all of eternity in the Second Circle of Hell, we've become friends again over the years and i actually do hold his opinion of music in high regard. so i pressed play. and was blown away. holy fuck, who was this little kid and how did he get so awesome already at this young age?

but being that i'm sure i was too busy stalking someone's Twitter, i didn't take the time to actually find out more about who exactly this was. how so, so foolish i would turn out to be.

fast forward to this past Christmas when i went back to Florida to spend the holidays. i'm riding around with my bff, Teddy, and he's giving me the low down on all the latest music that i should be up on... which he has been doing for the last 12 years. my little auditory almanac, i wouldn't be up on half the music i know about if it weren't for Teddy. so, he's giving me the digs on this group called Odd Future. "young kids... out of Cali... talk about raping nuns and eating pills... sent off to boot camp in Somoa by his mom because she thought he was possessed by the devil..." say no more, Teddy, say no more. where do i sign up for these new and amazing maestros???

i slowly begin to put together the pieces that this Odd Future group is related to that same video i saw a year ago. and the dude in that video was Tyler, The Creator. i listened to a few mixtapes from the OFWGKTA camp and really dug them. a fan i had become.

so when i found out that Tyler was finally releasing a full length album, i should have been stoked, right? WRONG. since then, Odd Future has become an internet phenomenon, to say the least. a list of top tier media has coveted their mugs for their covers. Twitter timelines across the world have been taken hostage by a continuous outpouring of OFWGKTA rantings. and, yes, the hater backlash has begun.

andm yes, i have to admit that i am one of the many who were completely over this craze before it even started. and the following is what really put the final nail in the "Fuck Odd Future" coffin for me. during SXSW, one of my all time fave new York radio personalities, Peter Rosenberg, interviewed the entire group...

and as you can see, they're all nothing but a bunch of brats. i can't even really call them assholes or dickheads or bad asses because i don't think there's any maliciousness behind their actions. they're just a bunch of little kids with no discipline who are now able to run wild with all the world watching. and, you know what, it's really fucking grating to see a bunch of teenagers be allowed to act like this.

and these feelings have made me realize this: women attach a familial bond to male musicians and their level of interest in these artists' music is based on what kind of relationship they imagine having with these men, be it subconscious at the very least. and that bond can take on many forms: boyfriend/lover/husband, father, big brother, little brother, etc. how many chicks do you know that have been pining over some dude with a mic for YEARS? and, really, who wouldn't want Justin Bieber has a little brother?

i've listened to Tyler's album, Goblin, a few times through now and still can't seem to make it stick with me. i get bored with it in a matter of minutes and start daydreaming about music that actually has a melody to it. and while i'm sure there's an infinite possibilities as to why that is, one being that all 17 songs repeat the same subject matter on a continuous loop, i think it actually goes beyond the music.

since Tyler is quite a few years my junior, there are really only two familial scenarios that i can imagine him in: one of a little brother and one of a son. and, to be honest, i want him as neither. like, i genuinely want to scold him for his bad behavior and punish him until he stops acting like a spoiled infant. (or maybe just give him a solid fist to the face, whatevs.) the thought of having children and them growing to be like Tyler just makes me wanna keep a stash of wire hangers handy. i cringe at the thought of my children having even an atom of his impudent personality. this is why i think i hate Tyler's music so much now. i am unable to form any sort of familial bond with him and, therefore, cannot relate to, nor have any interest in, his music anymore.

i do, however, still think this song knocks. i just have to pretend that it's not Tyler when i listen to it...

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